It has taken me a long time to reorganize my feelings and beliefs about the pursuit of perfection, and how for me, that was wrapped up in being a good person. My grandparents used to pay my sister and I for A’s. I was paid for A’s, nothing else. I was paid to be perfect.
I was told how to behave and how I should speak, or more often how I should stay quiet. If I pushed the border of that box, I was punished, or humiliated. That theme ran from the kindergarten classroom to the university classroom. You had to learn, and learn quickly, what was acceptable, perfect behavior, according to whoever was running the show. Parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and bosses all got to run my show. When would I run my show?
Oh man, even as I write this I cringe, because my mom is doing the same thing for my kids and their A’s. She means to reward them for making the effort to do well in school. I totally get it. Mom, don’t you dare take away that wonderful perk of being your grandchild because I wrote this! My lessons are not theirs. I believe that some kids, and a lot of people, need that kind of motivation to succeed. But love them for their C’s too. I know you do. It really must suck to have a kid that grows up and does her healing out loud for the world to read. I know that without my mom, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this. So thanks, one more time mom, for listening without taking it personally.
What I want is an equal amount of celebration for the big, fat, ugly mistakes, failures and bad decisions. And how we think, cope and respond to them. How we turn them into a lesson learned, and embrace the new wisdom that results from it. How we fall down one hundred times and get up one hundred and one times. I want it to be okay to fail, and be able to see the gift in that. I want us to embrace the Thomas Edison quotes and the Michael Jordan quotes, and get that it takes a lot of mistakes and failures to succeed. That a person can be happy in the middle of the chances they take, even if they fail.
In Tae Kwon Do, the amount of times I fail at a new form greatly out numbers the successes. Until my body remembers and I get it. I learn from each slightly off move, how to do it right. Thinking about the amount of pure, unfaltering patience my Master has after decades of watching mistake after mistake, makes me laugh a little. After all, class is kind of about failures. Until it is about success. The reward is for showing up every time, willing to fail, over and over and over again. The celebration is about the determination and the perseverance. Not the perfection. I am so grateful for this.
Today I celebrate my failures and mistakes, and see them as all part of who I am. I love the way I turned out. Why would I take any of it away? I invite you to love yourself because of your mistakes. And while you are at it, try loving others that way too. What is real, and true about each of us is that our unique path, full of mistakes, failures, and lessons, is what makes us the brilliant shining light that we are. The mistakes are just soot on the lantern, a by-product of the blazing flame. Wipe off that shit and shine baby!
Perfect Mistakes
by Laura Probert
I had to grow up
to love my mistakes
to learn that being perfect
is not what it takes
to be happy.
I had to wake up
to see my imperfections
were really the pieces
that with closer inspection
made me beautiful.
I needed to understand
that to be my unique self
meant all my heart and soul
even what needed help
was all good.
When I saw the blunders
as a special gift
opportunities to grow
the pain began to lift
and I could see.
It became very clear
every mistake I made
was perfection
I was okay
just being me.
Now I can learn
from each mistake
the perfect joy
in each chance I take
speaking my truth.
No longer afraid to fail
nothing left to lose
living out my bliss
the way I choose
makes me shine.
Real is the new perfect
find what’s authentic
feel that place inside
that keeps you connected
fly with me.
