It’s not the success you fear. It’s the feeling.
I had this aha about the fear of success this week after listening to Dana Claudat talk about it.
Honestly, it was a “Duh” kind of aha moment. When I wrote, “Fear is just a feeling, and it’s stealing your show,” in my poem Brave Healing, I was on the same track. The feeling of purpose-driven fear is much like that of the survival kind—bad. And so that feeling steals your attention and paralyzes you (even when it’s related to your purpose) because it feels unsafe.
It’s the discernment of these feelings that creates the awareness you need to understand when you’ve hit your upper limit problem (thank you, Dr. Gay Hendricks) and are sabotaging yourself into inaction and avoidance of success.
I’ve heard the Marianne Williamson quote about “Our deepest fear. . . “ so many times, and every time I read or heard it, I thought: That doesn’t resonate. I’m ready for success. I’m ready to play big! I’ve never felt afraid of success. Now I know what I’ve been afraid of.
It was only recently, when Dana explained it, that something clicked. She related that fear feeling to when you’ve experienced trauma.
There’s a physical, chemical, emotional, and mental reaction inside us when we experience trauma. There’s a very similar feeling when you’ve achieved something awesome. They’re forms of excitement in your nervous system and mind-body. When I heard the idea that it’s the feeling we’re avoiding when we avoid excitement or success, the lightbulb went on.
The stress of the feelings wears you down and negatively affects your immune system. When you’re exhausted by stress from trauma, there comes a point when you avoid more stress at all costs, including the good kind. You’re not really afraid of success; in fact, you may still really desire it. You’re avoiding the feeling; you’re in a primal mode of survival.
Sometimes, these events are conscious. Sometimes, they’re unconscious or subconscious. Those sneaky buggers are tough to be aware of. And so are the memories of past success that you’re still chasing after. Yes, positive past events can sabotage your law of attraction ability in the present.
When I heard that one, another lightbulb went off. This was from the Audible Power Boost the Law of Attraction by Caryl Westmore. It was the first time I’d heard that a positive occurrence could cause a problem. We can be “stuck” chasing after a past feeling over and over again.
If you’re like me at this point, you might be muttering something like, “Okay, I can’t keep track anymore. I give up.”
Because I’m an awareness geek and love learning a new nugget of wisdom, I’m going to pause to take this in and wonder what else is possible here rather than throw in the towel.
This is so simple. You have the key and can practice every day.
If we fear the feeling of success, we have to understand what kind of fear we’re feeling at any given moment. Is it purpose-driven fear or not? Any fear of success or achievement, you might argue, is purpose-driven because it’s something you actually desire.
The trick is to pause the trigger reaction when you feel the feeling, and start asking questions. You gotta slow the train way down.
Many of us are so far gone once we feel the feeling that we never give ourselves the chance to notice, let alone discern it from the survival kind of fear feeling. We’re already in avoidance (flight, fight, or freeze versions) and are “surviving.” We aren’t sticking around to see what might happen.
What if we could slow that reaction down long enough to notice it’s not a tiger, get curious, take some breaths, and then get our journal out? What if we could pause just long enough to question the feeling, whether the reaction is an old, unhelpful habit, and then begin some deeper inquiry to not only break up the old habit but learn a new one?
This is the mastery of awareness, and it takes practice.
Pause the train
You’re triggered and feel like something is very wrong. You feel fear, anxiety, and sick to your stomach. And you’ll do anything to not feel like that.
Notice, in any way you can, that you’re triggered, and there’s no tiger in the room. Stop. Pause. Breathe. Clear your mind.
Get curious
You might think: Hmm, that’s interesting. What is this feeling, and why did it make me react like that? Huge bonus points for getting to this stage of questioning, inquiry, or curiosity. You’re more than halfway to mastery when you can slow down long enough and ask great questions. Grab your journal and write a bit on these:
- What am I feeling?
- Am I safe right now?
- Where am I feeling that feeling?
- What does this remind me of?
- Is there a memory associated with this feeling?
- When is the last time I felt like this?
By the way, you don’t have to have answers to any of these questions, but journaling will help shift the energy either way. Next, you will define and reprogram the fear.
Define the fear
After getting curious and answering the questions, you realize it’s purpose-driven fear, and you’re excited because you paused long enough to feel it and figure that out. Your discernment is on point! Now what?
First of all, there are so many magical modalities to help you with this kind of healing. Some of my favorites include EFT (tapping), EMDR, emotion code, various forms of meditation, sound healing, and breathwork. Some of these therapies require a skilled guide. Some do not. Once you’ve defined this fear, you can address, shift, and transform it.
“What you can confront, you can change.” Dana Claudat
The journaling alone will shift the energy and get things moving. This is already a change. This is awareness. This is healing!
We have published a variety of powerful books that teach you self-healing techniques that address all kinds of fear. You might explore The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing series (Volumes one through five) and How to Be Brave: Self-Healing Tools for Love Warriors.
I have a good feeling that the next time fear shows up in my body, I’ll notice it a little bit faster, practice my box breathing sooner, and then carry on with my empire-building badassery a lot faster. And that’s a good thing, because the part of Marianne’s quote I love the most is, “As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
And Brave Healers, I know that’s the walk you’re walking in the world right now. I love you.
