The way to never experience impostor syndrome again (for most normally-adjusted people) is to realize it’s the mark of an authentic leader and embrace it for what it’s there to teach you.
People who worry about impostor syndrome aren’t the ones who need to worry.
I’d be more afraid if I didn’t feel it.
Picture a Zoom room full of million and billionaires. At least in my head, that’s who they were, but the first rule of impostor syndrome is: You’re probably making some of that shit up.
I arrived at my first mastermind meeting, the one I paid 10K for, and thought: Ugh, I don’t belong here.
My anxiety was high.
I don’t fit in anywhere. Who am I to think I can play in a group like this?
Fast-forward to the meeting during which I was the featured speaker of the day. Not only did my video not work on the share screen function, but nobody spoke up to tell me that little fact, so I happily played along for several minutes while nobody saw my main attraction.
OMG, why didn’t anyone tell me? Do they want me to fail? Why am I here?
And again—I don’t belong here.
The truth is that ever since I became an entrepreneur, I’ve felt like an alien. My circle of trusted confidants has gotten smaller, and my mind has become busier with the inner critic taking center stage more than I’d like to admit.
Why does this feel worse now?
Hence, my second observation about impostor syndrome: The more successful you become, the worse it gets.
People might think that as you practice and rise higher, as your business grows, you learn a thing or two, and more success comes, your impostor feelings might fade. Actually, my theory is that the most creative and successful people feel the most anxiety, fear, and worry.
I was delighted to read proof of this during my editing of one of our recent brilliant books by Dennis W. Pullin, President and CEO of Virtua Health in New Jersey. The book is called Suited for Leadership and is due out in April 2025.
Dennis says:
“Most leaders don’t want to admit that they suffer from imposter syndrome. After all, their sense of boldness, confidence, and vision got them there to begin with. When you admit that you struggle with feeling like you actually belong in your role, it goes against every impulse of leadership.”
Read more about Virtua HERE, and see why I chuckled when I got to the “Don’t Be a Hostage to Impostor Syndrome” section of Dennis’s book.
Okay, if Dennis is talking about impostor syndrome, then I don’t feel alone anymore. If someone as accomplished as Dennis battles this, I know I’m in good company.
Impostor syndrome is a mindset game you can win. Decide to do that today by the time you finish this blog.
One of the most powerful moments I had in the last few years about this topic was discovering that my writing helped a total stranger. End result? She reached out and expressed that the connection saved her life. Once I really understood what impostor syndrome was doing (preventing me from helping people), I had a powerful tool against it that goes something like this:
Laura, this isn’t about you. Get over yourself. Take a breath, clear your mind. None of the feelings you’re having are true. You’re making the feelings inside mean something—you’re making that shit up. This is about the life you’ll change when you’re brave enough to share your words and work with the world. You’re not an impostor. The unique way only you can express your story is exactly what someone needs to hear. There’s only one you in the world. And when you follow what you were born to do, what aligns you with the most love and joy, you can trust you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
I like that wise part of me who pipes up now and again.
I challenge you to journal out your own wise response to the inner critic, impostor syndrome-type voice in you. Take a breath, connect with your higher self, and let her answer that voice. Write it down. Come back to it as often as you need to. Steal some of mine if you want!
My last observation about impostor syndrome: When you feel it, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be—it’s a good sign, not a bad one.
When I feel it nowadays, I do something different before the usual trigger reaction occurs. I use awareness to notice the feeling, I pause and breathe, and I recognize that the moment is there for me to learn and overcome at the next level. Rather than allowing it to paralyze me, I remember that it’s just a feeling I’m having and that I get to choose the next thought or action. I don’t let it take me hostage (thanks Dennis).
Impostor syndrome is a purpose-driven kind of fear. As a leader, you have a beginner’s or learner’s mindset (it’s the mark of a master), so all you have to do is notice that you’re experiencing a moment of opportunity to practice (and go practice!).
What’s something better or more healthy you can think, say, or do in that moment? What next thought or action would most align with your big mission or vision?
In my case, I write, like today’s blog. I share because it helps me sort out my thoughts, and I hope you’re inspired, too. I flip the switch on impostor syndrome to service. It works every single time.
Remember:
- You’re probably making that shit up (practice your awareness).
- The more successful you become, the worse it gets (curate your inner circle).
- Take it as an opportunity to learn, overcome, and serve.
Now, go carry on with your world-changing badassery my friends!
I know you’ve read this last quote before, but it’s a nice reminder:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
