Some might say that competition isn’t for everyone. I disagree. We are all competing, every day, against the fiercest, most unrelenting opponent there is; ourselves. You might not think of the daily challenge of your own lives and thoughts as competing against anything or anyone but it is the most important competition you will ever enter. You enter with your own awareness. You sign up by showing up to the stuff of your life with presence and mindfulness, with curiosity, feeling and reflection. Only this competition isn’t about winning or losing, it is about the act of showing up in the first place, of getting out there, being your vulnerable self, and expressing it to the people around you who matter. It is about taking a loss, getting knocked down, and then getting back up and trying again, because quitting isn’t an option.
I competed, for real, in a tae kwon do tournament a few months back. I lost my match, 15 to 2, (yeah I remember the score) to a lower ranked competitor. I got knocked down a couple times, couldn’t find my legs, and basically was humiliated in front of a large room full of my fellow students, coaches and competitors. And I signed up for it.
It took me a while to recover from that match, mostly because the sucky feeling I had afterward wasn’t what I signed up for when I wanted to do Tae Kwon Do. Tae Kwon Do was something that was supposed to make me feel good about myself, give me confidence, and strength. Not make me feel like a failure. So the thing in my life that had given me the most joy and strength, the most confidence in who I was and what I wanted to be, that allowed me to cope with life’s stress and difficulties…laid me out like being hit by a truck. I lay there in the middle of my thoughts, drowning, wanting to quit, wanting things to be easier, wanting it to not matter so much.
But it matters.
“Why do you even sign up for these things?” I was asked by a well-meaning family member. Why put yourself through it, expose yourself like that? Why don’t you just take classes and leave it at that, get your exercise and go home?
Good questions, all of them, if you are not particularly in touch with the warrior goddess part of yourself that wouldn’t ask them in the first place. This time, she was quieted longer than usual, but eventually came back to me.
The warrior voice answered back inside my head, “Because.” Because pushing myself lets me see what I am made of. Because competing makes me a better person, forces me to pay attention, to practice, to be aware, to not take things for granted, to be GRATEFUL. It would be easy to check out and quit. Nobody would blame me. My mom would be relieved. But I am not in it for easy, I am in it for growth, for learning, for playing, for being awesome. I am in it to feel my way through a life that seems sad and difficult at times, but is more and more showing me that the way through is about showing up to compete, whether or not you get your butt kicked, and not ever thinking that quitting is an option. I am in it to shine, so that someone else who needs the light might feel a little from me. Only I am realizing that my light doesn’t always come from being perfect and winning all the time. It might come from finding my way back to standing after getting knocked down. In fact that light might shine brighter than any.
Competition is for everyone. Try signing up this time, whether it be for the next tournament, or an issue you are facing in your life. Don’t worry so much about being knocked down. Sign up. Show up. Be yourself. It may change everything.
COMMENTS
I am so proud of you, warrior goddess person. Even though in my mind, you are a precious angel. I guess precious angels can be warriors too. They have an incredibly hard job!
War is not the answer … it is but one path.
Be Love. Be Forgiveness. Be Happy.
Be the best warrior you know how to be. You are the test. You are the Judge. You are the Answer.
You are Love. You are Loved.
Love n Light – Marty
I love this article because I am hosting a tournament soon. I plan to share it with my students.
