If you missed the introduction to the Brave Healer Blog Party – you can read that HERE! The women of the Intuitive Writing for Healers workshop are telling their stories, healing themselves and healing the world! And today I’d like to introduce you to Anne Lessin1:
I don’t know if it was because I was allowed to be just who I was without being judged. I don’t know if it was the extreme chaos of my upbringing. I don’t know if it was the strong little girl in there that was the oldest of five. All I know is I’ve never waited to set myself free. Setting myself free is a part of who I am.
Beginning in the sixth grade I had to wear a back brace made of plastic and metal. It felt cumbersome and bulky. It was sweaty and hot and felt like a suit of armor that smelled like plastic. I strapped myself into it each morning on top of a t-shirt. I was relieved and grateful not to have to wear it at night. It was like a statue as it stood on its own by my bed. I’d look in the mirror and there was nothing attractive. My clothes looked bumpy all over.
But I didn’t feel angry in this thing. I liked myself. After four years I had had enough. I wanted to go to high school being my authentic self. Even though the doctors advised me to keep it on I said, “Hell no!” I wanted to feel free. I could feel my clothes on my skin again and I no longer had to wear the disgusting smelly t-shirt I had to peel off of my torso each night. I liked what I saw in the mirror, I felt pretty.
In twelfth grade, I underwent a spinal fusion. It was in the blizzard of ‘78 in a unique hospital, once having been a mansion belonging to the DuPonts. My six-week adventure began with 3 weeks in traction. Traction was an hourly exercise to help stretch and limber my spine. Then came my surgery. After two weeks the day came to get the body cast. First, the thick gauze was ripped off of my back then six people holding me, “One, two, three!” Lifted my naked self onto their cold metal three-inch bar.
Where was I? I thought. This felt insane. I remember the bar structure like it was out of a Frankenstein movie. They held me up while wrapping my torso in warm wet cast material. Then after a week in physical therapy I was relieved to be leaving going to my grandparents home in a town nearby called Chadds Ford, PA. After six months under my grandparents care I decided to go home to my mother and my four siblings. We lived in Chevy Chase, Maryland.
Alas, I had come home to a summer of chaos. No air conditioning, many contractors, no sense of calm or normalcy. After a four year separation from father, my mother had decided to ‘try it again’ and move to Florida with him at the of the summer. She was getting our childhood home ready to rent.
My siblings and I were surviving. Who would put the hose down my back as I lay on the side of the front porch? This was how I cooled off and wash my torso and my back.
When they left for Florida I stayed behind. This was my decision for my own freedom. My father and I hadn’t spoken in years. He and I had experienced a horrible relationship. After an autumn of working in the same job that I had while in high school and living with family friends, I felt I had had enough.
In November, when it came time for my cast to come off I felt that I needed support and direction to get my strength back. My skin was feeling flaccid and my body was weak. So I allowed myself to be comforted and surrounded by love. Happily, I decided to go back to my grandparents where I was always welcome. My grandmother’s cooking was delicious along with all of the comforts of their warm home. This home away from home held many wonderful memories and was heaven on earth for me. I had freed myself from uncertainty and loneliness.
In 1990 I got married and five years later, I’d become a new mom. Feeling the immeasurable blessing I also was feeling lost. Where had Anne gone? Looking into my eyes in the mirror I would wonder. There was a strong part of me that had faith and hope that I would find myself again. “Breathe,” “Feel the energy from the sun,” “Be in the moment,” were sayings I would put on our refrigerator.
And then a few years later Reiki came into my life. It was the healing guidance I needed to feel like Anne again. After a year or so of receiving Reiki and feeling the positive uplift that it brought me I decided to become a Reiki practitioner. Through the years of practicing Reiki, I have found the healing energy to be amazing and it’s given me tools to free myself.
Freeing myself to have what I want means letting go of what doesn’t feel right to me. I have learned to want to continue to grow, expanding my mind and feeding my soul. This to me is my key to freedom. Today I struggle with being confined to a wheelchair relying on others to go places. I’m working on freeing these struggles through reiki, friendships, and the immense love that I have in my life. I’m finding that writing is a freeing and healing experience.
I think of these experiences as opportunities that help me to see the strength in myself. As a child, I was always allowed to be who I was which created a space where I had confidence for making my own decisions. There wasn’t any second guessing from those that loved me. Except when I was sleeping at my boyfriend’s house when I was sixteen. But that’s a different story.
I realize that it is a huge gift that I was allowed to be myself; I am forever grateful. I believe that this has given me the courage to continue to free myself from my difficult past experiences.
Anne Lessin is an experienced and passionate Reiki practitioner who creates a safe space for clients to experience profound relaxation. Her practice (both in-person and long-distance) and free Reiki circles are spiritually focused with the intention of discussing topics like healing, chakras, nature, energy, The Universe, and her favorite, love. How do you bring love into your life each day?
Anne also calls herself a cheerleader of music and lives with her guitar-playing husband, her musician/songwriting daughter and her daughter’s piano-playing guy.
Find Anne’s blog at www.loveallaroundonline.wordpress.com or Facebook at: Anne Lessin or email her at alessin60@gmail.com
