Growing up, straight A’s were the goal. Perfection. Achieving less than that meant not good enough.
Imagine; less than perfect = not enough.
Fast forward past school to first job. A perfect performance appraisal was the goal. Secondarily the maximum amount of pay increase that went along with the perfect appraisal. Getting dinged in any category meant “needs improvement,” or…you guessed it, not good enough.
It was so hard to be perfect. For the first three decades of my life I dutifully strove for it, because others expected it and because I believed that’s what I was supposed to do.
And it was so fucking hard. And I did that life for at least thirty plus years, unable or willing to allow things to flow or be easy because that would mean I’d never achieve perfection. Because perfection (excellence, success, whatever…) meant you had to work really hard.
And none of the pay off was ever guaranteed. It all hung on that A, or that “needs improvement” mark. It was always controlled by other people.
I probably became my own boss for that reason. Many reasons, actually. But being my own boss meant I was in control; my time, my effort, my everything. Nobody’s allowed to define perfection for me now, I thought, until my lack of income came up in an argument at home one evening and the flood of not good enough came furiously back.
It’s taken me another decade to realize those old beliefs are still running my show. Years more to invite ease and flow into my life; to let something bigger than me take the wheel.
But who knew that letting things be easy would be so excruciating. Starting to understand the laws of the universe I had no reason to not believe in ease, flow and abundance, and my (and your) ability to manifest those things. But didn’t ease = slacker?
If I wasn’t doing it the right way; the version that was difficult to the point of ulcer-inducing, then I wasn’t working hard enough. Obviously.
No, wait a minute, that’s not true. It can be easy. It can be joyful. It can be nourishing, not ulcer-inducing.
Actually, it SHOULD be easy.
In fact ease and flow are one of the primary ways you get to know you’re on the path that’s right for you. Ease and flow are the hallmark of purpose and passion. Ease and flow should show up on your face, in your wallet, at the gym and with your friends.
When you’re trying too hard, crusted over with resentment and forgetting to laugh, that’s not perfect, no matter how many A’s or “excellent” marks you get.
Let’s let easy be the new “hard work” of our lives. Let’s support each other in it. Let’s keep things flowing for ourselves, our friends, our family, neighbors and colleagues. For no other reason than we’ll all be more fun to be around.
If you invite ease into your life and she shows up with her pink dress on, smiling at you and beckoning with her pointer finger I say run, don’t walk into her arms. You’re not being punked. When the voice says “This is too easy, this should be harder, the goal is all A’s, you’re not good enough,” shut that shit down and open your arms to your new friend.
Ease is how you know you’re doing the thing you should be doing.
Let everyone else get the ulcer.
Join me in the comments and let me know how you might be able to invite more ease into your life.
A special thanks to Mike Iamele and his 30 Days of Ease Facebook group.
Laura Probert, MPT is a holistic physical therapist, published author, inspirational teacher, poet, and black belt in Tae Kwon Do. She’s serious about integrating mind, body and soul as a journey to passion and power and it’s her mission to show you how. You can find her writing featured in places like The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Best Self Magazine, The Wellness Universe, Wild Sister Magazine, PersonalGrowth.com, Tiny Buddha and The Elephant Journal. Find her books and programs at www.BraveHealer.com and www.facebook.com/kickasswarriorgoddess
