“I’m a mom of five. So depressed that I do not know who I am. I don’t know that I’ll ever figure it out. I’m almost to the point where I don’t want to be anything, not a mom, not a counselor, not a best friend….. I don’t have time to be “myself to my own self.”
When I got this message from one of my Facebook page followers recently I felt her pain. She was asking me to help her find herself again – something I feel like I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to do. I was sad for her, but then got really, really excited. Why? Because the road back to myself might have been long, but I did find her, and it was worth the journey. And now everything’s coming together, including the ability to shine in a way that helps others out of the pit and back home to their badass selves again.
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. I think most of us light worker, spiritual seeker types know this. The trick is practicing being your own best friend, lover, mother and caretaker when you’ve grown up and into a life where you’re doing that for everyone else but yourself and you’ve kinda forgotten how or even where to find yourself again.
If you’re like me and have spent a lifetime and/or a career attempting to self help your way back to your worth, esteem and passion then you get it when I say this journey isn’t for sissies. It takes a warrior to take the action required to make a change. Sometimes it takes a warrior to even muster the energy to wake up in the morning and try again.
You’re not alone. You got this. It’s time to reach out and get the help you need.
Getting to the point of not caring anymore is tough. It’s rock bottom. But wanna know the good news about the bottom of the pit? You get to learn how to mud wrestle. And there’s no other way but up and out from there. The bottom of the pit is where you’ll pull out all the stops and finally do what you need to do to survive. A word of advice here; practice fierce self-compassion during this stage.
It doesn’t matter what is going on, you must be gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself like you were your own child. Give yourself what you need most. Prioritize that and you’ll be on your way to finding yourself again. Do what it takes to fill your tank again. Protect some time on your calendar for thinking about what you’re grateful for, what you love and what turns you on. Have no idea? Fine. It’s okay that you don’t know. But what if you did know?
There’s a place inside that may have died a little; slowly losing it’s light by following everyone else’s rules and taking care of everyone else’s needs. She’s there. She may just be in need of a little resuscitation. How do you bring her back to life? One aware moment at a time.
Awareness is everything and it’s what will save your soul, wake her up and turn her on again. Give yourself permission to feel everything. Start thinking about what feels good. And what doesn’t. Start with what feels like a Hell Yes! and a Hell No! inside of you. And then little by little, ditch the Hell No’s.
The only way up is to feel your way through and then choose thoughts, beliefs and actions that align with the Hell Yeses. Practice. It’s a lifelong journey but you’ll gain momentum and it will get easier and easier. In the beginning you may need to practice asking for the help you need just to have some time to yourself; to get to know yourself again; to feel anything at all.
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to do what you need to do to heal.
For now, to my friend who sent me the message; you’re not alone, you got this, it’s time to reach out and get some help. Who can you call to watch the kids while you have a day or two to take yourself out for tea?
Sending big love your way.
Friends who’ve been there – what thoughts do you have for my friend today?
