I am thinking this week about living with compassion and clarity. Gaining freedom through more discipline. The topics and thoughts feel heavy and difficult to sort out. It is a heavy week. The art of living is about responding to “heavy” without having to avoid or deny. It is about being there just as well and present as you are in “light”. And it is about responding instead of reacting, paying attention, feeling your way, metabolizing the stuff of your life, and integrating. I am not totally sure what I even mean by this yet, but it is sorting itself out slowly.
Some things are easy for me and I am “good” when I am doing those things. Even if they are challenging I can still “go” because it is just what I do. I love working out. Monday night taekwondo was a great kick ass workout. There were only four of us and it is just more of a physical workout when the class is small. I thrive there and that feels a certain good way to me.
Some things are not easy for me and I feel “bad” when I am doing those things. The more difficult, the more paralyzed I become. It is not what I do well, so I don’t want to do it. It takes a lot of effort to make myself try. Understanding and trusting what I feel and then being able to speak my truth with clarity and compassion is what I am working on. Having a voice at all in a difficult situation is a goal. I struggle there and that feels a certain uncomfortable way to me. However the result can be growth, transformation and freedom. So I am dabbling with being okay with feeling uncomfortable, and finding a voice in the middle of it.
Part of the art is figuring out the places where you need to learn and part of it is grabbing hold of those opportunities when they are in front of you. Awareness and practice.
I was able to get Jhoong-Gun checked off last week and now I am working on Toi-Gye (pronounced Tay Gay). Three more to go… Awareness and practice.
