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Recently a good friend of mine (who knows the business) helped me with a workshop project. She worked up spreadsheets, answered multiple emails and questions, provided feedback to my group about the project, and then participated in the actual event by doing a demonstration.
“I’m not going to cash your check,” she said to me the following week on the phone, after receiving my offering for the work she did in the mail. “I just want to give this too you as a gift, you are my friend, I don’t want to get paid.”
This made me mad. Yep. Mad.
Well not really mad, because this is my BFF we are talking about, but mad in the sense that she couldn’t receive, and didn’t understand the gift she could give me by doing that simple thing.
The act of receiving with gratitude is a simple gift that allows the giver to feel joy. Giving and receiving is a two way exchange of flow and energy that can nourish both parties, as long as the receiver can receive.
The conversation went on longer than I would have liked. “I get what you are saying,” she replied, and then I had to hear that word that made me know she didn’t get what I was saying…”BUT.” “But I really want to help you because you are my friend, I didn’t really do that much,” she continues in a circular argument that isn’t convincing, because what I managed to wake her up to is that she is bad receiver.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her for not wanting to be paid, for doing this for me out of the goodness of her heart, and she has a big one. I see the big gift she is trying to give me. I am not ungrateful. I have just learned a better way, and I am a little stubborn.
There’s a more important idea at stake; The flow of abundance. Right now, she is stopping up the flow by being unable to receive my check. So instead of feeling the immense joy and excitement over being able to pay her, I feel dejected, which I know isn’t her intent. Her intent is quite the opposite.
When I give (energy, time, money, love, kindness) and someone receives it openly and gratefully, guess what? There’s now an open, flowing channel for more energy, time, money, love and kindness to flow to me. Please, BFF, accept my check! Allow me to give my gift by receiving it. My heart (and abundance) is in your hands.
We all know those who admittedly call themselves, with pride I might add, “Givers.” I am one of them, and picked a caregiving field for my career. I was brought up to believe that it is better to give than to receive. I know that rings a bell for many of you. Over the years, I have seen what being a giver does to some people (Not good stuff), and I know there is a better way.
I was also brought up to be mindful of the needs of others. The hidden line there is, “before myself.” What parent wants to teach their kid to be selfish? None I know of. So how do we teach our children to be both good givers and good receivers? To be mindful of their own needs and those they love equally?
We must model to our children a life that fills us up. A life that is nourishing to our minds, bodies and souls will create an overflow to give from. Wouldn’t it be nice to give freely from an overflow of energy, time, money, love and kindness, rather than try to give from our reserves? It’s not just nice, it’s spectacular!
The way we do this is by receiving, and nurturing ourselves first. Once you have the flow going, there will be an amazing two way exchange going on, and it will be self-sustaining. Once you are filled up, fiercely alive, and overflowing with energy and enthusiasm, you can give from the stuff that is spilling over.
Don’t forget to give the gift of receiving! By receiving, you not only nourish yourself, you nourish the giver. The real flow of giving and receiving can heal the world!
Laura Probert, MPT is a published author, physical therapist and second degree black belt. She owns Bodyworks Physical Therapy and Soul Camp, LLC. Find out more about her healing, writing and kicking passions here: www.bodyworksptonline.com
