I was asked a question recently that made me re-think everything I’ve done or said, ever. If there was nobody left on this earth to upset or disappoint (POOF! Gone!), who would I become? Wow. Then I could be myself, I thought. I laughed out-loud to my computer that day and then wanted to cry. Had I just spent forty years being someone everyone else wanted me to be? If so, I just wasted a lot of time.
Fuck.
If you haven’t noticed, there is a spiritual movement happening. People all around us are waking up from the fog of supposed to’s and should’s and understanding that they can make a life of their dreams. There are more people talking about waking up now then I’ve ever seen in my life. Everyone is saying the same thing; you have the power to change your life. It’s nice not to feel alone anymore.
I look around and wonder how I managed to get caught up in this hippie, spiritual badass, healing revolution. I was born to be one of “them,” I think, but I feel like I missed the boat and I’m running along the shoreline with my hands waving in the air, screaming, “Wait, I was supposed to be on that boat!” “Waaaaaaaaait for meeeee!” Too late, I think, as my mind wanders into the dark pit of unworthiness I’ve practiced climbing out of for years now.
I take out my ropes (self-worth and courage), throw a line, and I’m up on the edge again – fast this time. The pit is for unconscious rookies. I’m not a rookie. I know the secrets. So I get my ass out of the dark corners of my mind and decide how to play bigger. I hear you Marianne…it serves no one to stay small in that pit. Who am I not to play big?
Part of this being awake thing is to realize it’s all divine timing, so as I stare at my Note From the Universe this morning telling me that “I’m not on earth to make things happen,” and “When you can grasp this, Laura, from within the illusions, you will also grasp how unlimited you truly are,” I realize I should take a breath. I didn’t miss the boat. There are like ten more waiting. We all get a boat. We all get whatever the Hell we want. Really. We do.
This all has to do with being myself and that question above. My crazy, wild, hippie, enthusiastic, spiritual badass self would like to come out and play now, and she finally doesn’t care if you want to play with her or not. Her imaginary friends will keep her company until you wake up and realize that the sandbox is big enough for all of us. I’m waiting, but I enjoy my own company so I’m not anxious about it.
Look around you at the blog orgy out there about being happy, living your dreams, speaking your truth, finding your voice, knowing your purpose, following your bliss…did I leave any out? And you don’t believe there is a movement going on? We were all meant to be here, in this time on earth. We’re meant to shine. Here. Now. There’s a meaning to the madness and we’re the ones who will show people the way.
If you’re not already doing the thing you love more than anything…the thing you love so much you lose track of time, why the Hell not? What’s stopping you? Who’s opinion, advice or “right way” is making you be small? Who’s definition of perfect are you going by? Who are you afraid to disappoint? Why not answer to yourself, for once? Why not make yourself the person you are loyal to, fight for, and avoid upsetting?
“I’m afraid if I do all that I will…” What? Go ahead and fill in that blank. Explore your pit. Feel the fear in your body. Now breathe. What’s at stake here? The bigger the stakes, the more important your mission. Will you lose people? Will you be disliked? Unloved? Will you fail? Wait a minute now, you’re not a rookie. You hear these voices, don’t you? You know what this’s all about? Right? I thought so.
Forget about upsetting or disappointing people. Fear is the grand-daddy of all spiritual practices just waiting for you to grab hold of the opportunity. Fear, in all it’s glory, is teaching you that what’s right and what’s perfect are total lies. I know you see it. I know you hear it. I hope you believe it. Now what will you do about it? How are you going to play big today?
Fear is your compass. What if instead of letting it paralyze you in shame, doubt and unworthiness, you let it point you in the direction of your dreams? What if you could transform that feeling you get into something that moved your ass in a better direction? What if? What if everything you are afraid of and have ever been afraid of is the path you were meant to follow? What if instead of running in the other direction, you actually got curious about where it would lead?
Can’t wait to watch you save the world warrior.
Let me know in the comments what your biggest obstacles are to overcoming fear and I will help you bust through them!
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