Photo by Nadi Whatisdelirium on Unsplash
What ever happened to, “Yes!” Yes. Yes, has a better ring to it, don’t you think? It’s very sound is like music to her ears in this instance because, “Yes,” is confirmation that her yearning to be a mother to 2 more children and a loving wife are what he wants, too.
“No,” he says. An aroma of whiskey escape from his whisper, almost indistinct as it’s muddled by a heavy down comforter.
He’s in no rush, and yes she knows her womb says sooner rather than later. Her soul’s compass points to the direction of partnership and raising more children. She would have them with her soul mate and they would travel the world together when ever possibly, uplifting others along their path, because their very essence was Love. Her dreams are enmeshed with fertility and partnership because it’s part of her destiny. She can feel it in her bones. Chills and a softer line appear at the edges of her mouth every time she sits with this vision.
Yet here she is again. Burrowing her head in her own tear ladened hands. Intermittent silence, broken by her plea to him to please understand how much it hurts her, to feel strung along in his uncertainty. She apologizes for asking for what she desires yet again. She not only tells him she is sorry the next morning, but she tells herself she is sorry, too. Sorry to her soul for allowing him to dictate her future for another day. She always has a choice, and she knows it. Leaving would be painful though, and what would be on the other side?
Yet, when she gets quiet enough to hear the Universe’s hummmm in her morning meditation, she knows that all of her desires are being met, and that she need not apologize for knowing what she wants, expressing that to her partner, and feeling saddened by his rejection. “It’s not you, dear One,” the divine hummmm says,”It’s his path, too.” It’s that simple.
The Unapologetic She is unwavering in her true desires, because she knows that true desire is born out of the divine seed that created everything we know, feel, and see today. Desire is a fig tree opening up to the sunshine when she needs the light and weeping with it’s leaves & branches when it wants water. We are born out of desire, and every single thing on this planet was desired into being. So, she goes to him and when her gaze meets his on this particular evening there is only understanding as she gracefully states, “This is the seed of my most power-fueled desire, and I won’t hide the light or starve it of rain water anymore.”
Alana Victoria Roach is the founder of Explorations of Self, an international yoga & surf retreat + wellness services business based out of Baltimore, MD, USA.
Alana’s daughter, Zya is the light of her life. Together they travel the world spreading the message of love and hope through mindfulness, yoga, integrative nutrition, law of attraction, and JOY. In Alana’s spare time she enjoys challenging herself through diverse practices like Brazilian JuJitsu and extreme water sports. You can find Alana on www.explorationsofself.com.