“Why do you always have to be different? Why can’t you be normal like your sister?”
It’s still the voice that penetrates my awareness from time to time; a voice from my childhood memories.
It made me feel sad for a long time. I was seriously thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was inadequate or weird. I used to dislike myself for not fitting in, feeling like I belong to a different planet.
Ever since I was aware of myself as a little child, I felt I was attuned to something deeper, bigger than myself. I was able to sense messages, impulses, feelings and sensations that I perceived were coming though me or I sensed them in my body.
I grew up an a communistic country at that time. I had a sense that I lived in a box and that there must be a big world out there, even though I did not know what “out there” meant, except that it was outside of the box which I lived in.
I did not understand much of that at all nor could I talk to anyone about it. Somehow the messages were usually in the opposition to what the external world was telling me. I had no point of reference; I had no words to describe what I felt nor was I able to communicate it with anyone.
I also learned that if I acted against that internal voice or instinct, I would feel uncomfortable, I could not sleep at night. I started trusting that voice in some areas of my life, and not in others.
It was not easy for a few decades of my life as I felt that my gut, my intuition was pulling me in one direction and the voices of the external world, peoples’ opinion or feelings, were pulling me in the opposite way. Since I was an empath and it was so easy for me to connect with feelings and emotions of others, many times their feelings were more important to me than my own.
I craved harmony, alignment and deeper clarity. For many decades of my life I did not have the internal strength to follow that inner voice completely. My empathetic heart, my good girl and pleasing others parts were stronger than my inner voice and other’s people’s feelings were more important to me than my own.
It took some time to realize that there’s a price to pay for not following the inner voice. I believe that the Universe may orchestrate things in our life until we have no choice but to listen and follow the inner guidance.
It took years of inner work, yoga, meditation, body work, myofascial release, energy healing, quality time spent alone and journaling to get deeper and deeper into my own self, my own soul.
One day the strength would come as an avalanche from the sky and I was no longer sorry for truly and completely being me, for taking space in this Universe. I no longer worry about fitting in or what others think of me. To me it felt like a day and beginning of total freedom.
I decided to fully live my truth, to speak my mind from my heart, to express my feelings, my desires, my dreams. Fully living my life choosing self-love, self-care, self –nurturing first.
In order for me to do that, I needed to be crystal clear and let go of some of my stumbling blocks that were holding me back for a long time.
The best things I finally learned and/or let go of in the fourth decade of my life were:
- The ability to say no. If it feels like no, it’s no.
- The ability to set up clear boundaries with myself and with others.
- The ability to express myself clearly, including my desires and feelings.
- Connecting mind-body and teaching the mind-breath connection with the body.
- Staying inwardly connected every day for a minimum 10-15 minutes.
- Finally realizing that self-love and self-nurturing and following the desires from my soul is not selfish, it’s the only way to truly live this life.
- Awareness is the key to everything.
- We always have a choice of what feelings or thoughts to choose and that is true internal power and freedom.
I’m no longer sorry to be fully me. To live from the space of my heart and soul. That is the place from where we can truly bring all the external things into our lives. It’s the source of how things flow to us….fulfillment, joy, bigger and deeper love, abundance, fulfillment in relationships and friendships, total health and prosperity.
Authentic life from the INSIDE – OUT, is the life that’s worth living.
With over 26 years of experience in holistic healing, Izabela Adamus, PT promotes authentic healing and restoration of peak function and wellbeing. She knows how to connect mind and body and is excited to guide you on your journey to self-awareness, optimal health and happiness. Izabela combines her expertise as a Myofascial Release practitioner with holistic philosophy and solid scientific medial background as a physical therapist for an approach that treats you as the unique, whole individual you are. You’ve chosen an expert guide for your healing journey! She loves to dance and has been competing in West Coast Swing and Hustle in the USA and Canada. You can find her at www.whl-t.com, or Izabela.Adamus@gmail.com