I’m finding as soon as I defend myself in a conversation where I notice my opinion is different, thoughts are unique, or am otherwise being told what’s right, I feel huge resistance. In the middle of that feeling is a humongous opportunity for growth, if I can get over it feeling personal and get on to living my truth.
Do you take everything personally?
What if nothing had to be defended? Ever. At all. What if we took the thoughts and opinions of others and just let them bounce off? What if we sit with the feeling those opinions evoke and respond from a place of heart rather than mind? What if nothing was personal?
What if we took what we needed and fed it to our soul to see if it resonated before we took it to heart and started to sabotage ourselves?
I’m not talking about defending oneself against threat, violence or hate – survival is another ballgame. I’m talking about when we put up a defense to someone else’s observation or opinion. About when you feel riled up over a disagreement.
I like the big questions because they dampen the fire that always starts in my gut when I’m feeling wrong, ashamed or unworthy. They help me understand things from a different perspective, a bit removed from the flames. From there I can put the fire out. Inside the torture of the flames, all I can do is burn.
So I ask a lot of questions when I feel triggered, tight or resistant. I sit and feel it, understand the unique lenses of the person offering it, and then take what I need to grow and leave the rest. If I’m making this sound simple or easy, don’t be fooled. This might be the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. To stop my ego-filled reactions before they start a battle is a skill I’ve had to master over decades. I’ll never be finished practicing.
I feel safer with the practice now though. That safety comes from a combination of things that have helped me heal, regain my self-worth, and express my voice. Being surrounded by many others who are practicing this same thing has been one key. I know they’re awake. I know they’re listening. I know they’re doing this awareness and healing dance with me and it’s way more fun to have others to dance with.
Dancing alone is awesome but when you move across the floor with a partner who is feeling your steps, moves and breath, the creation of that collaboration is a masterpiece. This is how I feel about the people in my life who hold the space for me to be myself. It’s a precious and magnificent gift.
With these people I need not defend myself. The interaction is a helpful, constructive sometimes magical discussion, not a battle. Nobody needs to win. It’s more about a challenge to see what jewels of awareness we help each other see. I hold a mirror. You hold a mirror. It’s about understanding the reflection.
How can we help each other wake up?
Now that I realize defending myself isn’t really necessary, I play the game differently. I’m not in it for the win, I’m in it for the magic. Sometimes magic is in a loss. Mostly it’s in a momentary shift in perspective. I rather spend my energy creating those shifts than wasting it on a battle. When I have an Aha about something by feeling before I react, I have choices. I can create more magic by getting to the source of the feeling rather than reacting and starting a battle.
(Side note: One of the most powerful tools I’ve used to do the above is Tapping or EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique)
The next time you feel the urge to defend yourself see what questions you can ask that’ll boost your awareness before you react. Shift your perspective – change the outcome. I’ll be practicing right here along with you so join me in the comments and share your insights or struggles!
A quick recap on how to change your triggers to moments of awakening:
1. Stay aware to the feelings first
2. Don’t take things personally
3. Take what resonates for growth and leave the rest
4. Speak from a feeling space, not a thinking space
5. Shift your perspective by asking questions
6. Learn tapping – and heal your way through the trigger
7. Remember, we’re all in this together – how can we help each other wake up?
I’m doing my first webinar this Friday October 23rd at Noon EST. The Live Out Loud webinar will get you thinking about awareness, and writing, and the healing process that goes along with that. I hope you will join me! If you can’t make it live, sign up and I’ll send you the recording!
You’ll find all the info for that HERE.
Laura Probert, MPT is a holistic physical therapist, published author, poet and awareness coach. She’s serious about integrating mind body and soul as a journey to passion and power, and she’ll show you how. She works to help you wake up, be brave, heal your shit and do what your love so you can share your message with the world. She’s a contributor for The Huffington Post, Wild Sister Magazine, MindBodyGreen, The Wellness Universe,Tiny Buddha, Black Belt Magazine and Elephant Journal, among others. When she’s not writing you’ll find her with her kids, dogs or a horse or taste-testing dark chocolate. Find her Writing for Warrior Healing workshops and programs at www.LauraProbert.com and on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/KickAssWarriorGoddess
