I have been holding my breath, literally, waiting to get the MRI results back for my knee, which I tweaked badly in my last taekwondo test on June 22nd. Holding my breath, clenching my body, worrying about my future, thinking depressing thoughts. Pitiful I know. I have also been practicing present moment awareness, which immediately changes everything. When I can get myself to be the observer of my thoughts, I can change them. So I have tried to transform the breath holding, clenching, anxiety ridden depressing thoughts into ones that serve me better. That has been my practice for the last three weeks. And it is mostly working.
Today I get to report good news, that nothing is torn. No surgery. Thank you God. I have some bone bruising, a sprained lateral fibular ligament and some swelling. Never thought I would be so happy to hear all that. I will still need some healing time, but knowing a little more information will help make me smarter about how I go about the healing.
When you are addicted to exercise, like I am, an injury throws you into a panic. And then you are injuredand functioning from fear. Not a good combination. The opportunity that presented itself in the last few weeks was a new, deeper understanding about what happens when you have an injury that messes with your ability to walk. I have a much greater appreciation now for my clients who have had similar injuries. Limping wiped me out physically, energetically, and mentally. I was forced to take care of myself, or get worse. So I have been taking care of myself. Now I can teach people how to take care of themselves with a compassion I may not have felt before. Cool. Hey, I have to try to look at the bright side of this. If I didn’t, then the crappy thoughts would have invaded my mind and taken over.
I miss my taekwondo. A lot. It has only been a few weeks, but I am realizing how much I rely on this physical expression of myself to thrive. It allows me to thrive in everything I do, not just in the dojang. Being and training with my classmates lifts me up.
I look forward to getting back to class next week, not at 100%, but being there none the less, to fill my tank, and return to the discipline that helps me live in my passion. In the meantime, I am trying to remember that I can choose the thoughts I want to keep about this, keep them grateful, positive and healing – and I might just be filling my tank in a whole new way I didn’t know was possible before.
It will be nice to kick again. For now, I will breathe, and smile.
COMMENTS
Great news that you don’t need surgery. Keep on breathing and get well soon.
Deb Salter
