I am not particularly fond of heights. I realized yesterday as I stood sixty five feet ( I checked) above the ground, that it wasn’t really heights I wasn’t fond of, it was the “what if” feeling of falling. What if I slip, what if I fall, what if I get stuck up here and can’t get down, what if I fail…
So lately, this feeling (of fear) doesn’t stop me very much. I am amused by its consistent effort to do just that, but I can almost play with it like a game. I get more excited by the “What if I succeed,” thoughts than I get paralyzed by the fear. That makes life kind of interesting.
So here is one view from the black diamond course at the Sandy Springs Adventure Park in Sandy Springs, MD, where the kids and I had a total blast on our Spring break Friday. There is one course harder than this one, a double black diamond. The park was crowded that day. I was the only one on this course called The Black Storm, so I had it all to myself. The ladder you have to climb just to get onto the first platform left me with bruises all up and down both shins. ( I should have worn my shin guards!) When I started up that ladder, after talking to the staff guy about just how hard the course was and if I should try it, I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could chew. Half way up the ladder, pulling up with my arms and trying to get my shin to the next rung because my legs weren’t long enough to reach it with my foot, I had a brief moment of, “Oh shit, maybe I should go back down.” I quickly realized that that wasn’t going to happen, and I was half way up already, so I just kept going. I was actually out of breath when I reached the first platform. The guy did say that he could still save me if I got stuck way up there, so I carried on…
The obstacles got increasingly harder, mostly due to them requiring a certain amount of upper body strength. After finishing a couple obstacles I had to rest my arms. The forearms and upper arms were already burning. Oh, man, now what, I was only a quarter of the way through. I sat down on the platform, forty feet above the ground and stretched my arms, and it was so quiet up there. The occasional “Whoohooo!” from someone zipping through the trees would make me smile. I could hear a kid below me, obviously stuck from the sounds of crying, and his father’s shouting, “Stop being a baby, stop crying and listen to me!” Ugh. That was mixed with the awesome staff and his friends all rooting for him, “Come on, you can do it!”, “You are almost there!”
This was just a half hour after my own son, who had talked me into doing a blue course with him, got stuck half way over a chain link bridge and started to have his own moment of fearful panic. He froze and was straining every muscle to stay balanced on the chains. ”Put your left hand on the wire buddy, and one hand on the chain. One, two, three, grab it!” I shouted. ”You can do it, you are almost there!” I could hear his voice quivering as he said, “I can’t mom!” When he grabbed the wire and realized that he could get his balance again, he was good, and he finished the obstacle, and the blue course, very proud of himself.
I am telling you, when you reach deep inside to find that part of yourself that can, you win, no matter what the outcome.
So I held on for dear life from some crazy, dangling wooden triangle thingy, wondering if my arms would hold out and all I could hear was, “Stop being a baby! Stop crying and listen to me!” from the frustrated dad below me. So I re-focused and decided to listen to the friends and staff instead, and pretended they were rooting for me. ”Come on, you can do it, you are almost there!” Better. I had several moments when I thought for sure I would have to call for the staff to come and save me…as my arms were now talking loudly. I had a moment when I decided to look down. Big mistake. I quickly re-focused on the obstacle under my feet and forgot about the air below me, and half jumped to the next platform with a huge sigh of relief. Yea baby, I am going to do this thing!
We need to know we can. Sometimes we need help finding that place inside of us that wants to try something even though we are afraid, just to see if we can do it. It is okay to try and fail, and have to try again. We will be smarter the second time. It is okay to be afraid. It is better to do the very thing you are afraid of. It is there that you will find your greatest treasures.
COMMENTS
What a wonderful story! You have told it so well! I got goose pimples as I read it, and cringed when I thought of that Dad yelling at his kid. Ugh! Those are words that chip away at one’s self-confidence and can last a lifetime. Great post! And congratulations on taking the high road!
Congratulations to you in your achievement! Your story touched me because I was that kid…with that father that yelled at her like that (it was skiing down difficult slopes rather than climbing but…) . Today, my husband and I were stuck on a green course with my 5 and 6 year old who were too afraid to go forward, even though they had done so well to that point, they began to cry in fear. I thought back those tirades of my father. It was so easy then to tell them, “you’ve done an awesome job to this point and if you can’t go on right now it’s okay. You can go down and try again another day because i believe you CAN do this!”
I’m still working on having faith and believing in myself but I hope my girls will always be able to hear the world cheering for them they way you did the other day!
Your comment makes me smile. I think life SHOULD be about cheering each other on, in many and all different ways! Thanks for your post.
Laura
“So I held on for dear life from some crazy, dangling wooden triangle thingy…” Been there, done that. I was just on that course last weekend and I was so impressed with both my daughters (8 and 11) getting through that, esp. the elder one as she had the rope that returns the thingy back to the start wrapped around her leg and had to back up and re-do it. Of course, it meant I then had to cross the wire instead of bailing out…
Thanks for your comment Dan. When my son and I tried a blue together for the first time he insisted on going first. Fine. But then I HAD to follow! Fun stuff. Great opportunity to bond with your kids in a new way.
