Guest post by Andrea Christensen
Let me get this out of the way: I’m a good girl. In fact, I’m the quintessential good girl. Good girls do what they’re told and believe everything their parents tell them. In fact, my parents taught me they could save me a lot of pain and heartache if I would just learn from their life experiences, and I was all for that. Avoid pain? Sign me up!
I was taught a lot of things that ended up not working for me, however. I was taught to never question authority. Wrong. I was taught to always sacrifice my needs and desires and concentrate on taking care of those around me. Wrong. I thought I was being all obedient and noble and loving, but where did it get me? That’s right. It got me a whole mess of pain.
You see, you can’t avoid pain by following someone else’s path. I couldn’t learn from my parents’ mistakes and I ended up making a whole bunch of new mistakes that they never dreamed of. I married the “right” man for religious reasons and ended up in a nightmare of a marriage. (Oops.) I stayed in that marriage for many years because I was doing the “right” thing by not getting a divorce. (Ouch.) I put my husband ahead of me, my parents in front of me, my children in front of me, my boss and coworkers ahead of me, my fellow parishioners ahead of me. Well, you get the drift. I put everyone else’s oxygen mask on first and ended up nearly suffocating in the process.
My sister was a different story. After my parents were patting themselves on the back for raising me right, she came along and brought them down a peg or two. She talked back, dated the wrong boys, missed curfew night after night, and was in trouble every time I turned around. She went to college out of state and then moved across the country. Want to guess who had the healthier, happier life?
As a rebel, she was also free to question the Christian belief system we were raised in. She explored and experimented while my parents and I sat in their Midwest home, shaking our heads over her folly. As a good girl, my indoctrination was so complete that I couldn’t imagine I’d ever follow suit.
The thing is, my life just wasn’t working. After two divorces, severe health issues and growing depression, I had to face the fact that what I’d been taught might need a little tweaking. Deep down, I knew that I didn’t believe everything I’d been raised to believe, but I couldn’t quite face it yet.
My first major discovery was Joel Osteen, who preaches that God wants us to be happy. That was a new concept for me. I’d learned that God wanted us to do the right thing, serve Him and sacrifice ourselves for the eventual reward we’d get in Heaven. I also learned we were supposed to set a good Christian example and lead others to believe in Jesus, but I knew nobody would look at my life and want some of that. There was a big disconnect happening. As I read Joel’s words, I began to cry in relief. I’ve since learned that this happens when I connect to my truth, so I always pay attention to those tears. Instead of a scary, judgmental God, he spoke of a loving, generous God. Could it be true? My tears said yes.
Earlier this year, I was encouraged to speak my truth by my mentor. I didn’t know what she meant, so I started writing. My truth ended up being that I don’t agree with some of the Christian teachings I was raised to believe. Once I questioned one thing, I started questioning everything. Twenty years after my sister, I’m finally following in her footsteps and it’s a little scary for a good girl. In fact, I’m feeling downright rebellious as I meditate, campaign for gay rights and start to openly question the way the Bible is currently being interpreted.
It’s about time.
