“Nobody died.” That’s what a wise Tae Kwon Do mentor said to me after I confided in her about how I felt after a tournament I had competed (poorly) in. She wasn’t trying to belittle my problems or feelings. She was trying to remind me that it’s all about perspective. Perspective has the power to crush your worry, anxiety and fear in a nanosecond, if you remember you have that tool.
Today I’m remembering those words, nobody died, as I read a post from a friend on Facebook that his wife collapsed from a heart attack. My upset over…you know what, I can’t even remember what my upset was over this week because all I can do is feel my heart break for my friend and focus on sending prayers.
And that is a good thing.
When you realize that your problems are tiny compared to many, you can instantly shift your mood. Even a really, really crappy mood that feels more like something rotting inside you. None of that matters in comparison to bigger problems. Right?
Right. Most days. And then there are some where I cling to the perspective I have, more perspective than I care to have, and it doesn’t help. Am I so full of myself and my tiny problems that I can’t pull myself out of the pit and just be grateful?
And there it is…gratitude…the grand-daddy of all mood shifters, just waiting for me to come back to it. It’s always there – in the beautiful house I live in, the healthy body I inhabit, the clean air I breathe and the water I drink, my very-much-alive-and-well family. It’s there everywhere, all day long – I can’t escape it really.
I live a privileged life and have so much to be grateful for that most people on the planet would love to have my problems.
Still today I hurt. When I look around me at all the reasons I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do I wonder what’s wrong with me. Is this what they call being depressed? Should I go find a therapist? Take a pill? Or can I come back around to those two simple words; nobody died?
Of course many people close to me have died in the decades I’ve been alive – and it always seems to bring me closer to gratitude. We just don’t know how much time we have. And we shouldn’t need to. We should live as if today was the last day. But we don’t. We forget. We get caught up in our tiny problems and sit there like we are anchored to the bottom of the pit.
The thing that’s so difficult, what makes me content to stay anchored, is fear of taking the action it would take to change my circumstances. Do I hurt bad enough to make a decision; to be clear; to take action? Maybe not. Maybe I’ll wallow a bit more in my handy confusion.
Nobody died. Yet. So why am I waiting for someone to die to do what I know I need to do to make me happy? It’s complicated. My actions have consequences and effect other people. I use those excuses to justify doing nothing, like I’m protecting other people by not doing what I need to do. Even though I know this is bullshit, the fear is still paralyzing.
Another wise healer said, “Maybe just sit with it and see if there is a way to be, for now.” Oh, yes, my other powerful tool, the present moment. Also a form of perspective, if you remember to look at it that way. The present moment offers no real problem…it’s my mind that carries me away to that place. Presently, nobody has died, and I’m sitting safe and sound and really quite happy and healthy, getting ready for my day of helping clients to understand healing. The present moment offers gifts, if I could only shut the fuck up in my head.
You know that saying that energy flows where focus and intention go? Not sure I’m getting that right, but you know what I’m talking about. In those words lie the secret to almost everything I want for myself and my life. Those words remind me that as long as I stay stuck in worry, anxiety and fear I’ll be feeding the wrong wolf. You know that other story about the two wolves, one is bad and one is good – which one survives? The one you feed.
Same thing as the energy flow. So I simply mustn’t get stuck on the bottom of the pit for long…in fact it would be better not to spend any time there at all, feeding my fears and anxieties with more thinking, worrying, and analyzing.
I know – let’s build a catapult for the bottom of the pit. It will be made from sturdy, thick, boards, maybe like Polywood – it can be waterproof too. One board will be gratitude, another will be love, and there will be a few more made of “life is short,” and “your mission is to shine.” The contraption will be as sensitive as a mousetrap – as soon as you touch a toe down into the pit it will spring you back up and out.
Today nobody died. My friend’s wife is resting in the hospital being cared for and showered with prayers. Even though nobody died, I’m still thinking I should live like that might happen. Tell the people who matter to me that I love them, do the things I’m meant to do in the world, be myself even if that means others might not approve. Today I’ll take perspective and the present moment and use those tools to protect myself from fear and feed the wolf I know I need to feed.
I’ll remember that the opportunity to create my amazing life lies in every single moment of intention. So many opportunities to be brave and choose love. So many opportunities to be grateful. So much perspective.
The house doesn’t get built unless you pick up the hammer. I have tools. Now I need to use them.
What tools do you find useful when you’ve lost perspective? What helps pull you out of the pit? Share with me in the comments – I’m listening!
