What happens when you throw sand on the spiritual playground?
“Whatever I have problems with is mine. You are just a mirror showing me what I have to look at within me. If I’m frustrated with something you’ve said or done, it’s my issue.” I read this text and thought, what ever happened to good old communication skills? The spiritual teachings I knew well, the ones being thrown back at me in that very moment were getting in the way of real communication – the kind that could remove big road blocks on this path.
I began to wonder how even spiritual teachings could get in the way of enlightenment.
And that’s the thing…anything can get in the way. Anything that keeps you from recognizing your unconsciousness, anything making you feel superior to your fellow awareness practicers, anything that keeps you locked up in your head and out of your body creates a road block. When you throw sand on the spiritual playground it’s just one more opportunity for reflection.
I follow the spiritual rules:
Don’t throw sand
Be aware
Don’t judge
Stay present and mindful in the moment
Look at something you don’t like in someone else as a mirror
Look at what you love in someone else as a mirror
Realize nothing is personal
Feel your feelings
Stay in your body
Honor your emotions by letting them flow
Think positively
Be love
Breathe
Use what triggers you to go within and learn something about yourself
Heal your shit
It’s the journey, not the destination
Happiness is within
…
I’m exhausted.
Even though I practice, talk about and teach all these perfect, wonderful, evolved rules sometimes even they get in the way of my joy. It doesn’t matter what we discuss, if it makes you want to pull your hair out, there’s something to look at; including the awareness and consciousness that you use to help yourself grow.
Problem is we’ve forgotten how to talk to each other. We’ve learned how to protect, defend, shut off, and go within and be “spiritual” by not responding. Some of our spiritual practices have smothered our expression and suffocated the very love, joy and understanding that can come from that. We forget the energy of that stifled expression leaks out into our “mindful dialogue.” Let’s celebrate being human while we’re being spiritual. How about we take off the tether of spirituality and pay attention to being?
It’s not easy to communicate hurt, frustration, anger, or annoyances. It’s painful being vulnerable enough to express those things without attacking the person we’re hurt by. Something inside us wants to survive and protect. Something else has learned that our reactions are not good. There’s a war going on in there. What’s the right thing to say? Do I say anything? I can’t take anything personally. I have to take everything personally if I want to really dive deep and grow as a person. I have to tell you…today I’m just confused and tired.
I ache for a playground that’s not so serious. That’s quickly forgiving. That calls us out and gets us back to the joy before we drown in our own perfect evolution.
Awareness is the key, but even the things we’ve learned on this spiritual path can be the fodder for our practice. What if the teachings we’ve learned are just another way to make us think we’re right? I’m backing up three giant steps today and looking at everything. Even the stuff I’ve been told is the spiritual way to behave.
What all of this does inside me is make me afraid to be myself. I’ve spent enough time learning how to be myself and fighting for her that I can’t afford to be knocked back down into fear and paralyzed again. Today my fight continues with the idea anything, even my spiritual practice and thoughts about what’s right inside of it, are an opportunity to learn, and to lighten up.
I don’t believe we ever get to a place where we’re doing it all perfectly right. So I’m finding a way to celebrate all mistakes and failures. I’m on a spiritual path without a destination. Another great teaching – it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Today I’m stopping on this stepping stone and looking down at the rock I stand on. The rock I stand on is the fierce discipline I’ve created to help my mind quiet down and my senses take over. I surrender to who I am and how I feel, even if you don’t like me. Especially when you don’t.
When I’m finished looking down and remembering and knowing that rock, I look up. What’s above me is sky…limitless possibility, freedom to soar. I exist in between, with a goal to just be, from moment to moment, the most awake and alive self I can muster – and grow my wings.
When you feel the practice of spirituality becoming overwhelming and suffocating, stop on that stone and remember. Clear your mind; yes even from the thoughts of the spiritual teaching you practice. Clear your mind and breathe. Clear your mind and just be.
Clear your mind and love yourself right in the middle of the mistake you just made, or that thing you said that pissed someone off.
Now look up and out and take in the magnificence around you and within you. There’s no place to get to, no place to be, no perfect way to behave. You can laugh a little.
Stand in your own way, then move, then try it again. Experiment with how this game taunts you. How it continues to make you feel inadequate. Then laugh again. Eat a chocolate chip cookie. Call your friend and hear the love in their voice and watch the road block you created by misunderstanding her text disappear. Talk to each other. Hug one another. Recognize she isn’t doing it perfectly either. Now take her hand and move forward together to heal the world. Don’t throw sand.
Throw love…and see what comes back.
Writing for Warrior Healing starts January 11th. Come explore healing with me in a whole new way. Details HERE.
Laura Probert, MPT is a licensed, holistic physical therapist, published author, poet, artist, awareness coach and second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. She’s the author of Living, Healing and Taekwondo and the Warrior Journal series. She’s also a co-author in two fabulous compilations. She’s a contributor for The Huffington Post, Wild Sister Magazine, MindBodyGreen, The Wellness Universe,Tiny Buddha, Black Belt Magazine and Elephant Journal, among others. She’s serious about integrating mind body and soul as a journey to passion and power, and she’ll show you how. She works to help you wake up, be brave, heal your shit and do what your love so you can share your message with the world. When she’s not writing you’ll find her with her kids, dogs or a horse or taste-testing dark chocolate. Find her Writing for Warrior Healing workshops and programs at www.LauraProbert.com and on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/KickAssWarriorGoddess
